Sketchy

I'm not an "art major" anymore. Yes I am in two art classes right now, and I still look and act like a hippy-dippy art kid who hates propriety and conventionalism. But that's an unavoidable part of my personality because I kind of hate having people telling me what to do. Individualism, hooah!

But despite my outwards appearances, I am a pre-nursing major and I'm working towards becoming an officer in the Army. There is now absolutely zero pressure on my brain to make the next big amazing art thing. And because of that lack of pressure, I'm doing what led me to pursue art in the first place. I'm doodling all over my notes. Really intricate, playful doodles that if I really wanted to, would look completely badass in illustrator or even Rhino. I thought that part of my imagination died a long time ago, and it is comforting to see that again.

I suppose I was never made to pump out work. Ideas always had to come to me and before I decided to make a career out of it, I never worried so much about going a while without drawing. One day a massive wave of inspiration would hit me and I'll be drawing for days. It always worked that way. And in between, I would write.

That's another thing. I'm writing prose and poems again. That's completely bizarre, I haven't written a single couplet since I was seventeen, and here I am actually word-crafting again. I'm letting words flow and letting my creative juices just happen naturally and flowing where they want to go and it's amazing and terrifying and kind of sad.

I do love my art, and I do love creating, and I'd love to learn other skills still. I want to learn glassblowing, and more jewelry making. It's so much fun! But I feel kind of like less of a creative person because I can't pump out piece after piece after piece and have them be consistently meaningful and me. I realize now I never worked that way.

Now I'm tapping into another crucial part of my personality; my bossy, maternal side; and I'm going to be a nurse and work hard to make a difference in other people's lives. And drawing and writing whenever it comes to me.

I like this new me that's unfolding. I like how comfortable in my skin I am again. I kind of wish I could pump out work after work, but I guess some of us just can't be that way.